School

Roughly we spend half of our lives in school. Well, counting from nursery to university. There are so many great aspects of school but there are also several battles. 

Makeups & Breakups. Drama & fights over the stupidest things but at that moment we think they are important.  We rush to grow up because we've always dreamt of being our own people but in the end we discover our innocence revealing that we are still too young to grow up. We can get drunk with our friends, cry over someone who we thought was "the One", it's envy sprinkled with a hint of jealousy. The school is about being knocked down, but failing to give up because you don't want to show weakness whilst in sight of the enemy. You get knocked down a lot of time, then you feeling like staying on the ground. Wishing that you were a turtle so that you could crawl up in your shell and never come out again.

The school is the time of your life where you uncover disappointment, betrayal and loneliness. Somehow there comes a point where you wish that you wanna be all alone, to think, to doubt, to believe or maybe find a bit of hope. It's faking a smile to please others although your stomach says otherwise. The loss of friends becomes greater because of the lies you've heard. You begin to lose trust and faith in everything, so you start to question everything. It's meeting new people, unearthing new possibilities, moving on and leaving the past in the shadows.  

Building a new life based on the principals you were taught, it's being scared of rejection and commitment because you know you've already been hurt too many times. In such times as those, it's all about evolving into a new person who's stronger and interdependent. Learning that you can be happy on your own, seeing yourself for what you truly are. Before these days are finally over, you come to a realisation that school made you who you are today. Though it hit you pretty hard and there were days when you felt like it was being unfair. Believe that it wasn't. Believe that it was preparing you for the best. It actually cared because now you can see that you're still young but mature and surer of yourself. 

There will come a time when you're carefree and fun. With the whole world at your fingertips. You will get hurt, beaten down, but remember that's life. You won't feel like giving up because the school had done the same thing but you managed to survive. If things came the way we wanted, then we wouldn't be grateful for them. Think 20 years from now, imagine that life has screwed you over. Remember that while you were in school, you wanted to grow up and become your own person. And now that you think about it, you wish it were the other way around. If you haven't learnt this like I have, you can't have it both ways and you won't always get what you want.

So I advise you and I advise myself in this moment right now. We shall learn to be thankful for school because while we hate it, some kids wish they'd have an opportunity to go to one. Don't rush through school, try your best. Forget the dense friends, find ones that are right for you. Find yourself. Lose yourself. Thank school after you graduate. 

I couldn't find any positive school pictures but I loved this one---> 

Darling,

Blue jeans, white top, acid denim vans

With a silky note, that lay on the ocean side

The setting sun held a blazing orange that smoothly mixed with the red
Soft and tender like his voice
He spoke of what was to come but not of what has happened
The casual note lay on the ocean side 
All fresh, clean though water had been spilled on it
It read 
I heard you, you were so gentle and honest dude, 
I lost you because there was no more living life on amongst the waves
We aren't one anymore but the rising and setting suns to remind me of our days
Life to him was simply a beach, all he knows how to do was
Wake, surf, skate, art, music, sleep
In the early mornings, the white mist changed to blue 
His life was softly spoken for, raised on the chill side of the world
Washed out black jeans, grey top, green beanie, combat boots
Pure, a widely lived lifestyle 
He walked away, sent a message in a bottle across the world to me
It said
 Don't come searching for me sweetheart
Life is too melodious even without you around
I found another lover to surf the waves with me and keep me company
Her deep red lips seem to have luscious taste to them
The sun sets the same way it did back home, darling
You were just too good for me
I couldn't keep up, but look under your pillow
"I'm not  for you dear darling. I made mistakes,
 hurt you and made tears sprinkle down your precious face. 
You're a priceless sapphire that deserves to have the spotlight shine on you. 
Heyyah matey, sweetheart, darling, go surf the waves, skate the impossible, love the arts,
play the music like we did together. Our love is forever, just not together."

Some favourites from some of my favourite Youtubers

Youtuber Innuendo Bingo With PointlessBlog - ThacterJoe

Ask Jack - JacksGap

Prom Disaster | Mazzi Maz Story Time - TheMazziMaz

Lobster Shower Prank! - PrankvsPrank

Exclusive Interview With Finn Harries - Caspar

The Tin Can Challenge - PointlessBlog

Twin Test! - Jim Chapman

The YouTuber Awards - TylerOakley

Adorable Ambush - swoozie06T

The Sibling Test 2! - OliWhiteTV

Love & Valentines Day - Zoella 

Blurred Lines

Blurred Lines is the ULTIMATE summer song! Featuring three gorgeous artists in the music business; Robin Thicke, Pharrell and T.I. This is one song that you're definitely gonna wanna listen to over and over again.The song has vocals from rapper T.I. and singer Pharrell. Whose ever doubted that their voices mixed together would make such tender loving music! It's the first single off Thicke's sixth album which is also titled, Blurred Lines.

When I watched the music video, I saw that it focused mainly on the three artists flirting with pretty models who strolled in nothing but bras and shorts. In some way I thought that it was appropriate for the video. It was quite obvious that the dance moves were unrehearsed which made it more entertaining because we could see how well they'd do incorporating their own moves. Red, black and white were the main colours for the video which advertised 'sexy' and 'pleasurable'.  The song gave a smooth and soulful vibe to the audience. Robin's voice was exceedingly perfect with the R&B beats.

I suggest that you go purchase this single on iTunes right now! It's been on replay since last week for me and I'm still loving it. Buy it because of the three sexy, honeyed pleasant guys serenading all the ladies with their exotic, unbelievable voices. And you can watch it right now, click play on the video below! Click it NOW!

My greatest fear

I wish I knew what my greatest fear was because then I would have to be careful with my plan on how to conquer it. But the thing is, I don't know what my greatest fear. I have a lot of fears though they can't measure up as big fears. They are simple fears that I think some of the 7 billion people can relate to. 

Some people are scared of clowns. Some are scared of snails, spiders, bees or wasps. These fears can be conquered. You are going to a circus, pick up a snail or go on the Maury Show if you need any help with overcoming your fears. These are the kind of fears that you can easily get over but I can't because I'm freaking terrified of clowns, snails, and spiders. To come near them would probably give a panic attack or shit. I've watched a lot of movies. They've been great but I could never really comprehend the true meaning of the film because I was too focused on the actors and other stuff. 

What is my greatest fear? What is the world's greatest fear? That's simple! The world's greatest fear is that people worry way too much about how they'll be remembered when their time on earth has passed. They simply don't want to be forgotten once they leave, so they spend the whole of their life figuring out a strategy on how they can get their name in the world. What they don't realize is that the true people of the world aren't those who worry about being remembered but the ones who are paying attention to the world. Paying attention to the world's simplest and tiniest details. 

Almost everyone wants to leave a piece of themselves on this treacherous planet. They want a legacy to prove to the generation after them what they did need to be made a difference. But it didn't. Some even out to outlive death and we all know that it's impossible. Many have tried and they've all failed. Everyone wants to be remembered. And they deserve to be. Hell, even I don't want to be forgotten. But not all of them will be remembered. I don't think it really matters how much money you donated or how much money you have in your bank. What matters, what you'll be remembered for is how much attention you paid to earth's smallest detail and to others. Most of the people we study about in our history lessons are remembered for the rules they broke.

What is my greatest fear? My greatest fear is Uncertainty. I like knowing things before they happen because that means a less chance of people getting hurt. If people don't get hurt, then no one's to blame. My greatest fear is uncertainty because there have been days when I wish things just hadn't happened. I wished for more time. Why? Because I saw that some people walked furiously on the earth whilst others stepped lightly watching their every step. And the ones who watched their every step are the ones who were lost. Uncertainty has made me the person I am today. Confident. Outspoken. Cautious.  

Doesn't that mean that I've defeated my fear? Am I allowed to assume that I have finally conquered it?

Mellow music for mind of studying?

Listen - Beyonce

Quiet In My Town - Civil Twilight

You And Your Heart - Jack Johnson

Climax - Usher

Three Little Birds - Bob Marley

Patience - Nas & Damien Marley

Big Poppa - Notorious B.I.G

Highway Don't Care - Taylor Swift, Tim McGraw ft Keith Urban

Stepped On My J'Z - Nelly, Ciara ft Jermaine Dupri

My Girl Remix - Mindless Behaviour, Ciara, Tyga ft Lil Twist

Angel - Kate Voegele

Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

Some of my tracks for revision. Currently under a lot of stress, so these help a lot!

Fighting for freedom

Fighting for freedom is the fall of a valiant soldier

Striving for hope is the laughter of the people 

Stay calm, don't panic soldier

Think of what you were taught, you are too young to die

Along the way, we lost ourselves, but we still had you

Protected from extinction, but no one to protect you

There's discipline in you, because of the walk you walk

There's honour in you, because of the way you talk

Although we don't always show our appreciation, we're here now

To make up for the times we've missed

We worry about making the same mistakes as the ones in history

We worry about the loved ones you've left behind

You spend hours, in the battlefield; where innocent blood is shed

War is grief and all involved must pay the price

When you don't return, we die alone but several times inside

In the battlefield, you bear visible scars but no tears fall

We look at you but never really know the terrible things you have endured

Life and death were a part of your decisions

The life you lived and the lessons you learned built a strong foundation

For you and the respect you've earned 

We are in debt to you and the fallen, you've saved us and now it's our turn.

R.I.P Fallen Soldiers. 

Dedicated to all the soldiers the world has lost fighting for peace and equality.

Written 02/12/12 

 "Wars come and go, but my soldiers are eternal." Tupac

"The connection between dress and war is not far to seek; your finest clothes are those you wear as soldiers." Virginia Woolf

Luther Vandross

Me. Here right now. MAJOR FAN of Luther Vandross. 

Favourite song? Dancing with my father

I miss him of course because he was an extraordinary artist. 

His music was legendary, like the one of a true legend which he was.

His legacy? Simple. True. Pure.

His personality as portrayed in the music video? Incredible. Must have been truly rewarding to have met a man like him. Grateful. 

Songs? Inspiring. Real. Meaningful.

Death to fans? Painful. Tragic. Unreal. 

Memory? Positive. 

Favourite quote? "I'd like to be remembered as a premier singer of songs, not just a popular act of a given period."

In one word? Coherent

Dancing With My Father - Luther Vandross

Revolution of Music

"Don't trust people who call themselves musicians or record collectors who say that they don't like Bob Dylan or The Beatles. They do not love music if those words come out of their mouths." Jack White

Of all evolution we've been through, I've got to say that music has been the greatest. With new artists popping up on the charts, we wave "goodbye" to  the old ones. Artist such as Tupac, Biggie, Aaliyah, The Rolling Stones, Ella Fitzgerald, Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie is some of biggest musicians to have ever walked the earth. They were once aspiring kids who dreamt of being in the spotlight and they achieved the dream. Now they continue to inspire the next generations to do the same. Because of idols such as them, the music of this generation has also been able to create its own unique image and produced some wonderful artists.

Music has literally has been a huge part of my life, just like my religion. I've learned so much and as everyone knows learning never ends. There's always something new that you can learn. Deception has punctured my heart more than twice and the pain was unbearable. I was introduced to music and our relationship has just been flourishing ever since. I know that I can never restore all the broken pieces that have been shattered but I can try to amend the despairing relationship while I still have the chance. Hiding behind music doesn't help that much. It helps with forgetting. 

I'm so grateful to God for the gift of music. At this moment, I'm not sure with where I am with my relationship with God but I do know one this that; throughout my happiness and sadness, he's been there 100%. I hope one day I can find my way back. 

"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything." Unknown 

I got nothing better to do + plus it's half 11 so I might as well blog boys that I think are gonna be huge. Going to bed.

OTH Playlist

Feeling a Moment - Feeder

The Mixed Tape - Jack's Mannequin

Be Yourself - Audioslave

Always Love - Nada Surf

Jealous Guy - Gavin DeGraw

Son's Gonna Rise - Citizen Hope

Middle Of Nowhere  - Hot Hot Heat

Missing You - Tyler Hilton

Light Years Away - MoZella

Please Please Please - Shout Out Louds

I've Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth - Fall Out Boy

23 - Jimmy Eat World

Halo - Haley James Scott

Coffee & Cigarettes - Michelle Featherstone

For Blue Skies - Strays Don't Sleep

Missing You (acoustic) - Tyler Hilton

...

He was a pretty young man, with the world in his grasp

Though he needed the worse to be the best

In his mind, he got stars whilst the world crumbled in front of him

He left his loved ones behind in order to be the hero he once aspired of being

The wounds that he got not only revealed what precautions 

The human race would take to protect its home but proved compassionate
In black suit accompanied with a white shirt and red tie, he wept tears of confusion
We could tell that he experienced tremendous things
They were all of joy nor sorrow
Only the one who saw knew what truly happened 
We can't comfort him because it doesn't anymore, we humans are incapable of true comfort
Don't waste your time, the boy you once knew has been robbed of his innocence
His red succulent lips, deep ocean blue eyes, and black night hair are all the remain
Sadly not him, he's more mature, his physique is that of a man's 
The boy that once cried in the middle of the night was forced to grow up in the most unforgivable way we could ever imagine
He says he doesn't mind but he does
He's gone, he's not coming back, he never will
His once playful side, half smile, red lips, blue eyes, and black hair 
Are still around but tucked inside a cage that lives in him
No one can possibly relate to what he's been through
Like I said humans are incapable of true comfort 
They also demonstrated to be short of  forgiveness after they blamed him for stealing their lovers from them whilst they slept
These were the people that knelt in front of this lost soul and plead for shelter
What occurred during those 4 months is a mystery to everyone except those treacherous people and is damaged soul that stood before us 

For the first time

Doing things for the first time can be never-racking. I know that because I'm heading out for my first ever interview for work experience. I mean why do it have to do? Well, my boss for two weeks provided some decent information on why I have to go through it and I agree. 

So the clothing is smart, but if I were to describe my style; I wouldn't automatically jump to smart. I can be smart if I wanted to but in situations like this. I HAVE TO BE SMART! If I'm not then I've probably proved how much of a failure I am at following instructions. 

I'm going to be working in a photography studio because I love taking pictures in my spare time, and I'd like to carry on with the hobby; maybe later develop it as I grow. I feel like it's going to be a great two weeks because I will learn more new things. I'm not entirely keen on learning new things but with photography, then "HELL YEAH!" So I gotta sort out the outfit. I'm thinking white vest top with words "I just wanna start over", forest green like jeans accompanied with a black blazer. As for the bag and shoes, grey shoulder bag and black boots. Of course, the socks have to match the top and bottom, so white socks with green stripes and for bracelets- red,yellow,purple and colourful one because I never take them off. I always wear them.

Whaddya think?

My favourite kind of camera - Polaroid 

You didn't wake me up last year

Personally, 2012 was a really crappy year for my family and I. We lost so many loved ones, which was the beginning of my depression seeing as one of the people we lost was my favourite person in the world, my best friend, and uncle. Of course, the year of 2004 or 05 or 06 was shit as well because I lost my cousin and granddad. I felt so lost! At that stage, I began to detest life so much, I developed so many emotions in one go and felt like I shouldn't be living. I gradually began to feel like I was fading away from the world and becoming invisible in the eyes of my family; which was fine with me. No one would disturb me and I wouldn't have to talk about my feelings. 

Before 2012, in 201o or 11 I was meant to go back home and see my uncle and cousin before they were taken away from us; but we missed our flight. And I didn't mind because I thought that the year after that, I'd see everyone. I didn't though. My family was decreasing,  nature was stealing them away from us and I couldn't handle it. I become so angry with everyone because they couldn't tell me why this was happening and no one bothered telling me that it's life.

I would like to think that in a previous I was better at letting go of things but I can't imagine that. I was probably the same person, I am now but this time I'm slowly dwindling. I just burst into a rage whenever I think of losing someone, I can't handle myself but I can in some way. I watched as my family crumbled to dust. And I couldn't do anything because we all felt the same pain but expressed it in different ways. I don't think or know what will become of me next, but I truly wish that I could be a better person and stop taking out my anger on people who don't deserve it.

 I wanna be better. I wanna find myself. I'm tired of struggling alone, going back into the past and causing pain to myself and everyone else around me. 

I've lost my way a little bit this year... and I'm questioning whether I'm on the road of self-discovery or self-distraction. 

  

Depression v Me

So lately I've been finding life extremely difficult and I've also been having symptoms of depression. I didn't  like it but it was happening anyway, I lost a lot of friends but I'm ok with that because they revealed their true colours. Whilst the true ones stayed with but I can't be selfish and greedy because I know that there are people out there in the world who have far worse than me. 

I'm slowly recovering with the help of my friends and I've been more open with my feelings though it hasn't been easy. One of my friends told me " it's not a good place and doesn't want me to go down the same path he once went down" he's been very helpful. I've tried to put the causes of my depression behind me and I'm healing. I wish I could be healed right now but that's not how it works. 

It certainly hasn't been a pleasant journey but it's been worth it. I'm so grateful to have been blessed with people like them. I know that I'll be better as time goes on and I have to make sure that I don't go down the same path. The thoughts were truly dreadful and excruciating. What I'm trying to tell you is that don't be ashamed of things like these. You always have people to help you get through them and though it's scary in the beginning; you need to realize that it won't always be as long as you've got great people to support and encourage you every step of the way like I have.  Don't forget that I'm also helping to talk if you want to :)