January In Review

We're still too early into 2016 but the world has already shown that it's undeniably wild. A spot that will never change.

In the month of January, we've seen Donald Trump go from strength to strength in his race to the White House. He stated that his voters are so mindless loyal, that he could go out into the public and shoot someone; and still have enough supporters to win the election. Hell, I believe that! I even have an idea of whom he might shoot and he'd be praised for it since it's been his key talking point. He will run the US empire into ruins if he wins the presidency and racial equality in America will definitely remain nothing more than a distant dream.

Kanye West had a twitter war with Wiz Khalifa and brought a kid into it. Kanye, you're so much better than that! I know it. You know it! The whole damn world knows how great and legendary you already are and have already acknowledged that your legacy will be even greater after you gone. Why do you choose to reduce yourself because another artist said something about your album!?! You were clearly in the wrong, the minute you took a dig at Wiz's kid. Get over yourself, Kanye. And do it fast!

Rhianna's album, Anti got leaked a day before it was scheduled to. (Frank Ocean, we are still waiting for yours to drop!) Her first single, Work featuring Drake was incredible! RiRi never ceases to amaze us. Although, I'm sad that I won't be attending her Anti tour, though. I was really looking for to my first RiRi show.

Whereas, when it comes to me, I've watched myself nearly lose my mind several times. I admit that I need help but it's so hard to find it when you have no one to confide in anymore. Maybe, it's the fact that my English coursework is on The Catcher In The Rye and The Bell Jar that has awoken past feelings. Maya Angelou once said, "the real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself."

I'm not sure about how I think about myself. I find it nearly impossible to connect with others sometimes. Other times, I find myself drifting into the abyss within trying to find a cure for why I'm the way I am. I'm gonna get there because for the first time in my life, I am so happy with the people I've chose to surround myself with. The ones that have faded will always be apart of me and no after what. After all, I do find myself contemplating about what we could be doing right now, had our friendship not been sour.

Not An Arc

"It's not an arc on which we stand
The one that lifts us up high in the sky that our heads are above clouds 
It's the nobility of those that we know 
Those that we trust so foolishly with our lives
To know and accept that life is an impermanent state 
It's not an arc that mends us when we are battled
It's a mere illusion of the heart 
Our arc should do whatever it pleases 
That is the secret of life - AN"

Memo For Staying Sane: Take Time For Music

Black Friday - Kendrick Lamar ft J Cole 

Am I Wrong - Anderson .Paakft Schoolboy Q

When We Were Young - Adele

Fast Car - Jonas Blue ft Dakota

Belief - Gavin DeGraw

Everybody's Changing - Keane

I Shall Believe - Sherly Crow

Be Free - J Cole

Wishes For The Remaining 11 Months

Travel.
Network more. 
Get up earlier.
Stay focused.
Watch less tv.
Read more books.
Avoid time wasters.
Invest in your health.
Take more calculated risks.
Know your dreams and goals.
Do something you believe in.
Foster meaningful relationships.
Learn to be unaffected by the words of others.

Donald Trump...Go **** YOURSELF!

I'm promised not to be rude! 
I really did! No lie. 
But how can someone stay silent when an oblivious, big-headed and chauvinist pig like Donald Trump is roaming the earth? 
There's no possible way that he can be the front runner for the Republican Party 
Because it's hard to comprehend that some people in America have given him this enormous platform to broadcast his racist views 
I could care less who he is or how much money he has 
The minute you say that one religion is responsible for all the terror in the world;
Is the minute I lose respect for you and view you less than a human being 
Firstly, who the fcuk are you to decide that Muslims should be denied access to the USA? 
Just because you've got a couple of millions or billions in your damn bank account doesn't mean you can do so.
Hell, Obama or the Queen would get a ton of heat, had they said something so ignorant
For us to start a petition denying you access into the UK is of probable cause
You can't say shit like "Muslims should wear ID badges or that they are not coming to this country, if I'm president" and expect that the whole world will agree with your bigoted views
To reintroduce the sickening views of a man that was so reviled by the world because he oppressed so many



Stop claiming that you're the "least racist person someone will ever meet"
What you're experiencing right now is an adrenaline rush that will soon exhaust
If Trump wins the 2016 presidential election, be sure for another Hitler like rule 
Shit, you might as well employ the bloody KKK to be your 'Gestapo'


We can't let him in.
We can't cheer him on while his policies offend the rest.
We can't let history repeat itself, whilst we stand on the sidelines, once more. 
Forget America being the "land of freedom" if Trump wins the presidency.
Forget the American Dream.
Forget anything good about America and watch disappear it into slumberous,
When Trump wins and becomes the most powerful man in the world.


My dearest, Rose Hamid, praise for your courage in Rock Hill, South Carolina
Trump - fcuk you for calling the rally "unbelievably exciting (and fun)" after everything transpired
And most of all, FCUK all the people that participated in ejecting Rose despite that fact that she wore a SIGN, "Salam, I come in peace" and an ID badge like Trump requested.
You all aren't shit and you never will be, no matter how 'deep' you think you are.

Thoughts

I've been awake since 1am. And in that time, I've listened to Fall Out Boy, watched Ted talks and Laggies. Technically, I only got 4 hours of sleep which is pretty normal for me. However, I more than usual, I find myself contemplating about life.

I still catch myself worrying about things that don't matter anymore (very frequently).  And I have several days, often weeks or months where I'm pulled into this dark abyss. I just feel like life is just shitty because I'm watching my friends enjoy it; whereas I'm trying so hard to get through the day.

I've really never been the person that enjoyed having lots of friends or a big friendship group. Nonetheless, that never stopped me from making friends in all the friendship groups at school. And that's the problem because even though I have these terrific friends, it's difficult feeling like there's no one to talk to about all the bull that you're going through.

But it wasn't always like this. Nothing ever is. Changed happened! I used to adore the company of my friends. I still do but it's frustrating feeling lonely all the time despite having people around you, who care. And I'm trying so hard to feel be at the moment. I really am! But lately, happiness  feels more like a chore. It feels selective. It's really disheartening that I hardly see my friends anymore, and when I do, I can't connect with them.

I understand that life doesn't get any easier. Life is not fair. But then again, no one ever said it was. Instead, life is just a lot of other things. And yes, I'll never meet all the people in the world but I really should have fun with those that I come across. Even the short ones.

January 12th might be hell but it only comes once a year. And so do the months that follow and every time I find myself falling into that void, I have to understand that it's not necessary a bad thing. It's just who I am and I guess it is something I have the deal with. I've also learned that friendship is something that's not common. Genuine friendship is rare, and I'm glad that it's taken me 18 years to find this kind friend. The search and the heartbreak were worth it.

So this is where I draw my conclusion. I'm striving for change. I always will. I'm in the process of acceptance. But do human beings ever dream a whole new life and make it come true? Or do they go back to the way they were?

A Thirst For Adventure

A couple of weeks back, my friend and I decided to clear our heads. Everyday life can be hectic; that the constant buzz of technology prevents us from peace and having proper interaction with each other. 

So, Reanar and I ventured to Brick Lane. A place best known for its incredible sense of style with endless vintage shops lurking at every corner, street art and not to mention, it being one of the best places to eat in the East End. It was just me and her and our phone cameras.

It was a great way to finish off our 2 week holiday before submerging ourselves into the world again. You'll be surprised at how uplifting it is to enjoy the simple things. 

How I'm Gonna Get Better - 2016 Edition

Spend money. Change my hairstyle. Sell my old clothes and pursue a new style with the money I get from it. Be stronger. More patient. Get drunk when I want to, just not every weekend. Wake up early. Take cold baths. Exercise more. Write more. Find a friend who's willing to listen to you, like truly listen. Be interested in your studies. Read. Put in more effort into your hobbies. Then write some more. Get those damn piercings. Get that tattoo. Let it reflect your victories during your darkness days. Have a bubble bath. Adore your body. Book flights for next summer. Make new memories with friends. Write it all down. Cry. Feel that anticipation for uni. Then when you get there, feel homesick. Enjoy the silence. Enjoy being alone. Find joy in drinking tea. Feel smart at school and don't let anyone tell you any different. Spend some weekends alone. Capture lots of pictures. Pick up your lost sports. Take up new sports. Like yoga. Meditation. Buy overpriced food every once in a while. Learn to be with yourself.

Forgive Me For I Have...Enjoyed? Endured?

Where to begin? 

Happy New Year! I guess? It's no doubt that 2015 has definitely had it's highs and lows and I'm certain that whilst so any of us have had pain inflicted upon them; we certainly have learnt from that pain. I guess, in a way that's the whole reason for a new year, right? New year, new beginnings? 

Though from what I have witnessed, I have learnt that you don't necessary have to wait for a new year to have a new beginning. It's kind of why we have 365 day in a year because everyday is a new start. I guess it's why I'm so hesitant about writing this because I'm always making new beginnings in every single day, just so that I can become a better person than a was the day before. 

However, I'm confident that 2016 will be like no another, maybe because the last day of 2015 was exceptional! I spent it with friends. Friends, that for the past months were beginning to seem fictional due to how demanding life had appeared. I mean, I have no doubt that this will change with the first 6 months of 2016 already scheduled to be hectic. I have to believe that the work that will be done in these months will be reflected in the results. 

Anyhow, if I could as so much be allowed to travel back in time, I would like to tell you about the best day of 2015...

On December 31st, 2015, I spent the first part of the day with my friend, Reanar. (She's the picture below)

We spent the day in Brick Lane, just because. We hunted for adventure, art and serenity because they were things that we had been denied since starting our final year in sixth form. We were so charmed with what we saw in Brick Lane, as the street is known for it's leading-edge atmosphere. But then again, I guess a place really does that to you when you haven't been there for some years. 

We experimented with new foods, purchased some vintage pieces (will be up in a post soon) and pondered on school, friends and life in general. It was a magnificent day! I undoubtedly adore days spent like Dec. 31st. There's not a lot that's required from you, apart from being in the moment and enjoying the moment.

Following on from my tranquil day with Reanar, we parted our ways during our journey home and whilst, she managed to find the calm before the storm; I wasn't so lucky. The rain begun whilst I was on the bus and well, I guess it felt like pouring because I found myself cornered at the bus stop waiting for my little brother to bring me a raincoat. New Years' my mum's mum's birthday. I'm still uncertain about how old she is, although I d know that she's in her 60s. She's a 60 something year old woman without grey hair... nice one jajja! 

Of course, you don't except me to end my day there because it was the freaking NEW YEARS! Imagine the amount of booze that had been purchased. Hell, imagine the amount of money McDonalds made after the munchies kicked in on us, poor revellers. 

Unfortunately, I wasn't one of those revellers. I was busy acquiring alcohol for a ridiculous cost. I left 5 bottles untouched. Disappointing! But thankfully, I didn't undergo the rolling hangover but I do feel for everyone that's currently enduring one, right now. At least, you finished the year in style! 

I spent my last day with these lovely peoples - missing from the candid is Abbie and Francesca.

WELCOME TO 2016, WORLD!