The Great Unknown

Stressed. Exhausted. Scared.

It's more of a rant and my unrevised, unedited thoughts at 4am than a senseful post.

It's time, guys! For some of us, this is our last exams before university. Others have another year, two years and so on. Though I've tired to avoid it because I know that when I step into that exam, I know that the next 4 years of my life will be determined by those exams. Something that I think it's utter bullshit! It's saddening that my place at Leicester will be based on my grades and that terrifies me.

Hi Cameron, Osborne, you do reason that the majority of us don't go Eton, right!?! If we don't excel in these worthless exams, we can't bribe our way into a secure life, like so many of your kind have. You've destroyed the true definition of learning.

To be honest, I'm stuck. I'm not allowed to say that we've got this because we don't. The mere fact that we are sold the false dream that working hard in school and good results ensure that we will have a great life, depresses me. How many graduates do you see rolling around in million dollars bills straight outta of university? None! The whole "university guarantees you a good life" is the British version of the American dream.

I mean, hell I'm going university. Well, that's if I get the grades, which I'm so desperately working to get. Cutting off my friends and social life just so I can get the first 2 letters of the alphabets. And if I'm lucky enough and if my hard work pays off or the damn government doesn't screw with our exam structures once again; maybe I can prove those fake teachers wrong and get all As.

This is the great unknown. The race to prove that you're the best. That those who apply to Russell groups are smarter. But that, not the case! This is the race to prove that all the names that they called you weren't true. To prove that you are not stupid, slow and that some universities are way better than the Russell groups for your course. This is the final race where you get to show that despite all those shitty government interventions, you weren't thrown off course.

The Balancing Act Of Womanhood

"Women are a balancing act
Don't eat too much, don't eat too little. Don't be fat, don't be too skinny. God, do you ever stop eating? Woah, do you ever eat? The not-so-well-concealed looks of disgust, the not-so-well concealed looks of concern.
Don't be loud. Don't be quiet. Have a voice in society, leave the talking to the big boys. You want something, speak up! No, no, when it's your turn, sweetie. Ugh, she never shuts up, it's obnoxious. 
Have you ever heard her talk? I don't even know what her voice sounds like. 
Make sure your skirt is long enough, but not too long. Don't make yourself too available, but you don't want to look like a grandma. Show off what you got, but if you do it's your fault if anything happens. Was your skirt long enough? How is any boy going to look at you if you wear that? 
Have sex, but stay innocent. Give us what we want, but we hate sluts. Virgins are so sweet. What do you mean you want to stay abstinent until marriage? Do you even live in our society? Life without is is boring. Life with sex is disgusting. God, ave you seen her? Shes banged every guy in school.
God, have you seen her? Still a virgin at her age.
Be smart, but not too smart. Boys like a smarter girl. Boys cant stand it when you know more than them. Play dumb. Ugh, not that dumb, god, were you even listening? They like a smarter girl. No, no, now you just look like a nerd. Girls don't belong in the classroom, they have to take care of the kids. You want a well-paying job? Take some incentive and study. You cant slack off because you're a girl. 

Do what you love, but don't. Be yourself, unless it goes against what we say. Do what you love to do your hair and makeup? Great, you're good to go. Approved. Do you love video games and guns? You're faking it. You're lying. You're pretending. You're wrong.

The Ultimate Paradigm

XXX

I loved you as much as Icarus loved the sun 
But boys lie when you say that 
You're the most exquisite form of self-destruction
I loved you too much 
I wrapped my heart in steel to keep you from breaking it
Though in a room of art, I'd still choose you
I'm still learning 
I am my own ghost haunting my own memories
To get into formation 
We must step into the mystic 
To be real
We are nothing 

Repost from allblackerrthingus

Sometimes I do feel like giving up, giving up on us ending all these arguments.
Getting rid of these arguments would be an upgrade but would still feel like a loss.
Ending all of this would bring me to a new path but god knows oh how so I will be lost.
You came in to my life the most unusual way, conquered me with your touch and healed me with your love,
For all I know is, due to your existence my life has become a beat for me, a beat that can cajole an angry kid, a beat one has in their head after their very first kiss.
Broken pieces fell in place and old wounds felt healed when I fell for you.
You embraced me and lit me up with your love, after wandering around like a lose cut kite, life finally had a purpose.
No law of physics or no law of science can gage the power of the love that I have for you,
The way I fell and feel for you lured me across 4463.5 miles of land away from home; it was a scary thought at first but knowing that I will be graced by your existence made it easy.
With all your love that surrounds me, I have grown as a person and looking back into this sack of memories that we’ve built together never fails to paint vivid portraits of love and oneness for me and I lose myself into them every time as if it were yesterday.
Those long walks by the coast in Malaga, the sky blue waters of the lakes in Geneva to our sun soaked bodies roaming around in the heart of Paris. All those electrifying conversations, those innocent arguments, and most of all the promise of a love like ours all keep me going, one step at a time.
They say fall in love with a person you can write about and live with within your words, so I did.
And sometimes, just sometimes, when two souls say forever… They mean it.

Link - http://forgottenmisft.tumblr.com/post/140477542990/xxxxx