Letters To People I Love: Merry Christmas

Twas the day of Christmas
Santa having delivered his presents, now lay in bed for 364 days of rest 
Until next year, Santa 
As for me and you, 
Take this day to spend with your family 
To get your affairs in order for 2016 
But don't forget to stuff yourself with a ton of food 
This is the day of renewal
You've got so much to conquer in 2016 

See you on New Years 

Merry Christmas from my family to you 💓

December In Poetry

Remember, remember the first of December
Remember that it was I who sought out to save your wretched soul - when no one else would 
Remember that all the kale and spinach, we ate, was for the boys
And just because they could undress us with their eyes meant that we were anything less
Remember that we choose to live in the today, just so that we can witness tomorrow's dismay
Like we did on the fourth when we fell upon a fresh pair of eyes 
We learnt that we fell too easily for anything that glistened in our direction
Though we didn't view it as a setback because we learnt that while good things came in two, so did bad things 
Remember that on the tenth, we became content with watching death descend upon the leaves 
In that period, I sulked about losing my favourite jeans, losing a friend and my favourite ring

It's not a misconception that all our devotion and commitment is placed in temporary things 
That we wish for temporary luxuries, for temporary happiness, for temporary friends 
Remember how I told you - I'd wrap myself up in a tight box if it meant sailing through this insufferable world 
If only I'd known, then, that scars don't heal too evenly  
I would have tried my best to save you from becoming junk 
Remember that when everyone else discarded you as a wash of the past 
I saw you as a friend, a searching soul 
And though boys judge us on looks 
You made your presence known on the eighteen 
Before plunging into the abyss on the twentieth
Make your presence known now
Disregard your unkempt self and become tomorrow's today, leaving yesterday, a concealment
Remember, remember the twentieth of December
When you handed life back its lemons 
When you left me, on my own, drinking kale by myself, for myself 
Oh, how it depresses me, that boys have been raised in a society that demands they neglect the needs of a woman 
To fulfil their own 
That they too will have a daughter, like you and me
And they'll have to witness this cycle, be implemented on their daughters
Remember the winter splints beneath the tree
The autumn of the twenty-ninth
Our bitten fingers and lost prints during our first drunken night 
A distraction and an ever fading craving of lukewarm water 
In the darkness of the night 
Where we spoke in universal languages
On the road untaken 
With our unsmoked cigarettes, not consumed by the trend 
This was to be our last journey 
Remember on the twenty-second, when life paid us a second chance 
Know that I harness no regrets of reviving you because
Of the numerous sleepless nights, you spent dealing with my troubled self 
Now we will create new memories 
I don't know where we will go 
But for now, we script for improvements 
Leaving unfinished wine in the sink 
So we can avoid the rolling hangovers of the twenty-third
In the anguish of something old 
We now sit inspiring a new movement
To leave our teenage waste lives behind 
We yearn for new skin
But while we wait for its growth 
We are here laughing at you, at me 
Because we are one 
Because we are ourselves, once more
And that will have to suffice for our little world 

Looking Back...Moving Forward

2015 is almost over and whilst there's so much that I'm happy for, there's also so much that I don't ever want to remember. I honestly believe that this year has been the year about self development. It certainly has been a most raw year but I'm grateful for everything that I've closed paths with. 

Here is a list of my go to songs for 2015 that have done an excellent job at keeping me sane.

Delilah - Tabitha, Mummy & Me

Tracy Chapman - Fast Car

Kendrik Lamar - These Walls

Jess Ware - Wildest Moments 

Son House - Death Letter Blues

Josh Record - Skin 

Tupac- Keep Your Head Up 

Big Sean - One Man Can Change The World 

Everything They Say Is Utter Bull...Follow This

The Universe Supports Action, Not Thought - Christian

I feel like this is a good time to reflect on the past few months. I mean, the end of 2015 is almost upon us and I feel like so much has happened that I haven't really had the chance to slow down and ponder about the decisions that I've made and those I'm about to make in the last days of 2015. 

The title of this post is something that has resonated with me since meeting Christian Banfield. In a way, he's become my mentor in capturing life because when I'm lost for words, the only thing I can do is capture life. People will not remember the days, rather they will remember the memories and that is what I'm been doing ever since I discovered cameras. I've captured the good and bad memories to look back at when I'm older; so that I can reflect on how naive my friends and I were thinking we were invincible.

I met Christian in July as part of a workshop arranged by Arrival and headed by him and some of his colleagues. We spent the day learning about the photography and film industry and how most months, you'll go without food because you haven't been able to find some work, and that will be okay because you're doing what you love. Something no one will ever be able to take that away from you. Just be persistent. Believe that your days won't always be variegated because every person is bound to have that one shitty day that makes them question everything. Through meeting Christian, I have learnt the importance photography, taking good pictures as well as eating vegetarian food (It was unbelievably delicious!). I know that this may seem like a whole load of bull to some of you but this is what has helped me develop throughout the year. Knowing that for a few minutes or hours, I can fade into the background and glance through the lens and capture someone else's life. It's a mesmerising feeling.

Taking on what I learnt from Schmick into school was a great deal of help. You all know how upfront I am with my attitude towards school because frankly, like I've said before there is so much substantial stuff that we could be learning, instead of teachers constantly preaching to us the importance of remembering the 'area of a triangle or the periodic table' for the summer exams. But hey, if the government thinks it's good for us, then it must be, right? It is an absolute tragedy that we leaving school not knowing the value of someone's life, setting up a bank account or the value of happiness...Surely, you can't tell us that we can be whatever we want to be but then give us a list of what we can pursue and then, place stipulations of   the requirements we need. Nonetheless, whilst I attain this outlook on education, university is different because I have always wanted to go to university. As far as I can remember, I have always been quite an independent child, so I'm more than thrilled for this step. However, the journey getting there is extremely overwhelming! 

I've had to cut out a lot of my social including seeing most of my friends but then again, I haven't really been bothered with maintaining my friendships. Some were worthless from the start but I think that I have this philosophy of never wanting to let any of my relationships fail. But then again, you can only do so much until you come to terms, that some things were never meant to be. And with that results, I have been hiding my guilt of failing people in my life as well as developing anxiety of trying to maintain too many things at once. I forgot to focus on myself. I focus to slow down and take a breather then I was still trying to overcome a load of shit and what was even crappier was that the person I used to be able to talk to wasn't here with me anymore.

Nevertheless, December has been fair. Receiving all 5 of my university places has in a way lessen the stress. I know now what I must do but it's also crucial that I sort out any bull before 2016 as I'm redesigning myself. And no, this isn't some sort of New Year's resolution. I just feel like I am now aware of where I need improvement and the only way I can do so is that is by reinventing myself. Sure, I will miss who I was before but the people that I was before the person I am or the person I am going will always be apart of me because if I could tell you one thing Arrival has taught me is that you should never be afraid of recreating yourself. 

No one knows who they will be in 5 years time. If you do, then great for you! I have no clue because until this point I was just winging life but even I grew tired of that. People took my kindness for granted and when I retaliated, suddenly, I was the bad guy. Because despite the amount of friends that I lost, the grades I'm getting or the lifestyle that I'm living; none of that really matters. Another thing I've come to terms with is never getting too attached to anything because all of this is temporary and people always leave. 

My 3 Outrageous goals for life: 

1. Go to university
2. Travel
3. Be genuinely content with life 

I seek nothing more than these 3 things in life. I can honestly say that for the first time in 18 years, I have satisfied with the choices I have made in 2015. I have no regrets over the relationships that have ended because if I wanted them to last; I would've fought for them. 

Although I still have a long road ahead of me to deal with my anxiety and lousy moments in life, I believe that with time; I will overcome them because the universe supports action, not thought. But right now, I'm not dwelling on my losses nor troubles. I still have 22 days left in 2015 that are going to be terrific! 

Augustus

Paradise Lost

It's been a while since I last wrote a proper post. By a "proper post", I mean one where I vent about what I've been up to and whether my crappy feelings have overwhelmed me, more than usual that is. So in this post, I'm going to give some updates of what I've been up to recently and talk about them further on and maybe tell you about my plans for the summer (if I've thought about that far). 

Updates: 

1. My attitude towards school continues to disintegrate as the days go by but I getting through it because there are only 6 months left.
2. I've already received 4 offers from universities. 
3. I've started my Stage 4 of Success for Life, which is the final stage in the programme.
4. I got a job!

To be honest with you, it's not surprising that my attitude towards school hasn't changed. I was so excited my final year with a whole new perspective of school but I failed and I partly agree that it's my fault; however if you hear the crap I hear from most of the teachers at my school...you'd probably feel like crap too. I'm not letting it get to me, though. I believe I can definitely do better than what they think I'm capable of. I've never needed their approval and I'm not gonna start now.

Frankly, I like love my school. I mean hell, it's not the best but I'm grateful that it's where I ended up and of course, the teachers are bitter or anything. We are just a tough bunch! We don't mean to be but we just are. They are so enthusiastic and really with us because they want what's best for us. All the teachers that I've crossed paths with at Sydenham have been terrific! Okay, maybe not every one of them but a fair bunch of them and that's what made my experience at this school so remarkable. This doesn't happen with every school but at Sydenham, we are able to communicate with our teachers as if they were 'our' friends. I have learnt that this is what makes a school so successful because whilst you're able to talk to each other including students as adults/acquaintances; you're also able to distinguish that each one demands a certain respect and you give it to them because they've earned it.

With that result, a week ago I applied for university. I mean I wasn't really sure if I wanted to go straight into it after sixth form, and I still don't, but only time can tell. Though before applying, I disturbed multiple teachers trying to get them to read my personal statements (yes, it's plural because I found it to be a traumatising experience writing about myself). But I wasn't discouraged because six personal statements later, I had one that I was proud of; even though it was still unbearable that to get to university, you had to 'sell yourself'. I applied to De Montfort University, Canterbury Christ Church University, Lincoln University, Kent University and Leicester University for a joint degree in English and History, and like, every new thing in my life, I'm dreading it but I'm also thrilled for a whole new world. 

So this is where Arrival comes in. This is what they have been preparing us for, for the past 3 years but going to university, won't mean that we are finished because we are only works in progress. The whole point of Arrival Education is that this is a company, an establishment that believes that young people are capable of achieving huge amounts of success, no matter their background. It's also clearly evident of reality when we look at the successful people in the world today, not all of them came from well off families or inherited their fortunes. Yes, some did but the rest had to work their asses off to get to where they are now. I've currently just started my final stage of Success for Life and well, I'm excited for what lies ahead.

I GOT A JOB! In Leicester Square at Pizza Hut! And I love it! Honestly, it's a lot of work because Leicester Square is a tourist destination, therefore it's always busy but that's why I love it. It's a peek into the adult world. I'm learning so much every time I'm there like how the guys are so hung up on the idea that girls only go out with guys for the money, haha. But they are also giving a whole outlook on the world of work because it's not as I thought it was. My favourite thing... I get to be a WAITRESS! It's always been a dream of mine and now, I'm living it. There's nothing I find more serene than serving others. 

Plans for the summer: 

They've never changed! 

1. TRAVEL - going camping with 2 friends, the first week after I finish exams. Amsterdam, Disneyland and Boston, possibly. Momentum and Soul Survivor, definitely!
2. MUSIC - Leon Bridges on April 8th -> current favourite. Buy a few more vinyl and music festivals, hopefully
3. PHOTOGRAPHY - purchase a polaroid 600 and capture my summer
4. BOOKS - can't have a summer with books
5. FRIENDS & FAMILY - just being with them is enough!

The Unaimed Playlist For Your Sunday Lives

Foxey Lady - Jimi Hendrix 

World Filled With Love - Craig David

Sorry - Justin Bieber

Homecoming - Kanye West

Love Yourself - Justin Bieber 

One - Mary J Blige ft U2

Ghost In My Head - Andrew Watt 

Born Under A Bad Sign - Albert King ft Stevie Ray Vaughan

I'm Still Me Because You Were You

I'm still me because you were you.
I could count the countless memories we made simply looking up into the sky, wishing that we could shine like the stars shone.
I'm still me because, during my darkest days, you were my helping hand 
Never fleeing from danger but rather heading towards it head first, with blank minds 
A little bruised from all the jumps we tried to make but failed.
But it never stopped us. Nothing ever could. 
I'm still me because, despite every time we got mad at each other, we never wanted to be far from each other.
I knew of nothing else so beautiful than the friendship you offered me and I didn't want to.
We were these gigantic messes filled with naivety and so many dreams.
And like every naive child, we thought we were invincible thinking that the world rotated around us.
But we were very wrong.
Twenty-four months ago, I would have said that our friendship was destined to be infinite.
I can't say that now...not that I was ever good at speaking.
So I'm writing about it.
It's been a year and I'm still here.
I'm still me without you.
A little grazed, a little restless from life but I'm persistent
A few months ago, we set off to Somerset with some friends like we do every year.
And I swear during that week time stood still while we enjoyed ourselves.
We were no longer confined to the expectations of society nor those of our families.
We stayed up until 2am playing midnight cricket, laughing and playing music.
But like all good things, it came to an end and suddenly, everything was alien to me, once more.
I have now come to realize that life is not for everyone, and no, I don't mean it like that.
I'm still me because of more than anything in the world, I want to see you conquer your dreams.
But every once in a while, the past creeps back in and lets me know what was lost.
And it's hard to learn, that this is your new path in existence.
I'm learning to embrace it because this doesn't define me.
While we grew tired of each other.
We were awakened to new loves, and of course, I do have days where I'm overwhelmed by my sudden losses.
But I'm still me because you were still you.
I'm still me because our friendship was like no other. 
Now, I'm discovering how to be me, without you.
And that for the time being, while I catch my breath, we are going separate ways, each becoming our own person.
I know that this is not where we end.
Like everyone else, I was thrown into life head first, no map and a blank mind.
I chose you because you understood me more than anyone.
I'm still me because you were you,

Until the end.

Believe Every Word I Say

Friendship

Letters To People I Love: Pray For Paris

Dear Paris, 

I write this to you and also to the several other people that will stumble upon this 

If I had a table to stand on and read this to you I would, but I write this from my bed with regards that this tiny spot on the internet with have to suffice 

I'm deeply saddened that I am writing to you in times of distress and sadness 

After all that you have been through this year; after all, you've conquered, only to be faced with another tragic 

I write to you in hopes that the thousands of people that come across this post will be humble enough to take a break from their lives and pray for your resurrection

I never understood what drove people to carry such murderous acts on innocent lives. I still don't. 

And I know that's bullshit but maybe it's a good thing because what is gained from such heinous acts upon humanity?
I will not speak of those that have lost their lives for that is another matter 
But rather, I will speak to those egotist cowards that have shattered a nation
Look deep within you, real deep within and find a soul 
I know of your sad wakes in the morning and that deep inside your mind is nothing but a burdened notion
I used to think that a man could endure everything and hide the anguish within him. I was wrong 
It's a tragedy that rose without warning leaving a vast number of infected minds

Before the world was disfigured. 
Before we were petrified by our neighbours and frightened of ourselves 
We enjoyed each other wearily and we tolerated each other in every way possible 
But yesterday we were burnt out, other people are pursued by evil acts to cause pain
The silence. It was something that happened between us and it was beloved 
Now it is a weapon used against by our enemies to censor our truth
So don't tell me that your actions were in service to something of higher existence
Terrorism has no religion!
Your actions were not just an attack on Paris but an attack on all of the humanity
The events of yesterday were merciless and heart-rending
But we stand behind you awaiting your rebirth to show that you will never give in to extremism
If anyone can overcome this, it's you, Paris 

Rev. 14:13

My favourite picture that I took during my trip to France & Belgium. As we were walking back from the Thiepval Memorial, I noticed that there were only four poppies in this field and it was a spectacular view, so I captured it. The poppies grew in the memory of the honourable soldiers that lost their lives in the service for their country. 










Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them." - Revelations 14:13 

REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY

8 Things To Give Up

1. seLf rejectiOn
2. negatiVe sElf talk
3. criticisiNg OtHers
4. being A people pleaser
5. procrasinaTion
6. fear of failurE
7. (M) holdIgn onto gudgeS
8. expecting perFectIon (T)

Welcome Back, ADELE!

Forgive me the unexplained disappearing act. I'm trying to get my life together and it's been harder than I thought it would be. But I'm here again. 

I should, however, explain to you that due to the recent frantic turn that my life has chosen to take, it will be more difficult to blog but I will try my best. Whilst it may not be regular, I can assure you that it definitely won't be as infrequent as this because I'm truly bewildered that I have gone a week without writing. I have been so fixated on coursework that my half term has been more stressful than relaxing. 

(Enter) Adele. She's BACK! Back at number ONE with an incredible song. Moreover, I thought that a music post was a little overdue, so this is my October favourite as well as being the re-introduction of the ever so amazing Adele. 

Take time to listen to this song. Really listen and vibe it. 

Oh, the most exciting part...if any of you have ever watched 90210. DIXON is the love interest and he is more gorgeous than ever! And as you can probably assume, the world went bonkers for him. Though apart from being crazy about Tristan Wilds, I am BEYOND thrilled for '25' coming in November. 

Adele -Hello

I Came, I Spoke, I Ranted #BHMUKEdition

Until next time. Hopefully I'll spend more time celebrating the achievements of coloured people than recalling on all the black lives that have been lost. 

This was NOT Dr. King's dream!

It's unfortuante that racial equality in America is still remains a distant dream for the negro.

#BlackGirlsMatter #BHMUKEdition

Throughout this devastating journey that has titled "The NEW Civil Rights Movement", I think some of us forgot that it wasn't just our black men being killed. Black women lost their lives too, but it was saddening that it appeared like their lives weren't important enough for them to make thew news and because of this; their deaths were overshadowed by those of our black men.

Now I don't mean to be disrespectful but us, black women have a lot of fights going on every day in our lives. It's bad enough that we are undermined as a sex but we also have the BLACK woman fight that we seem to be fighting by ourselves. It would be truly amazing if our black men showed up for us in our time of need; just like how we drop everything to be there for them. 

This post is dedicated for all the beautiful black women that have lost their lives at the hands of the police. What happened to Sandra Bland could happen to anyone! I refuse to live a life so ignorant that it's normal for me to say "Killing black people is normal." Whilst it is 'normal' due to the routine like killings in America, I refuse to stay silent. 


Crissle West - "if black women dropped out of the black lives matter movement, wouldn't BE no movement. these niggas need us and treat us like trash." 

Moreover, y'all know that it's true. Otherwise, I wouldn't have put it in. Assata Shakur TAUGHT ME TO FIGHT! I will never stop. I'm sick of hearing people say that we have achieved MLK's "dream". 

This was NOT his dream!

 

The Grandpas, I Never Knew - Scribblings From My 13 Year Old Mind #BHMUKEdition

I thought about you with love

Today and yesterday was nothing new

I still think about you every day

Days, weeks and months

But I thought of you in silence

I speak and say of your name

But all I have are memories of you

Pictures in frames and your special smiles

Love is stronger than anything

Although I can’t stop death from happening

It will go on, but death can’t take away my memories

After all life is stronger than death

It broke my heart to lose you, yet I never knew you

But you never went alone,

Apart of me went with you

It was the day God called you home

I spent most of my years

Crying and moaning for you, because I never knew you

I’d ask my mum and dad” what you when like?”

They’d tell me the same things

You are gone but not forgotten

Although we have separated

Your memories will always live in me

Forever and always in my heart

I miss you gramps (granddads)

Death is the last chapter in time, but the first chapter in eternity. Unknown

Africa On The Square #BHMUKEdition

Africa was loose yesterday in Trafalgar Square. It was sensational to see so many people came to celebrate what was once known as "the dark continent". 

This post celebrates AFRICA, my motherland. 

I celebrate all the gorgeous black people at home. We are destined for greatness, it doesn't matter what others say and ignore the fact most of us haven't been offered the same opportunities as others. There's no way that we can't all being incredible! I believe that we can be so much more than what we are limited to be or what we are told we will ever be.

 I truly appreciate and love being black. I have always been proud of being Africa despite all the misconception that is said about us. It's always a pleasure when such events take place because I feel like I'm home once again.

Tribal prints filled the atmosphere. So much vibrancy, cultural foods, and laughter. It was tremendous to witness black people representing in traditional wear.

 It's was SPECTACULAR! So many different cultures and races showing appreciation for someone's homeland. 

I couldn't also resist taking a picture with my sisters. Please take a moment to adore these incredible girls and outfits. 

We were also treated to a fashion show.  BLACK GIRLS KILLING IT!

Moreover, Uganda celebrated its 53rd independence day on the 9 of October. 

Congratulations to my fellow Ugandans brothers and sisters. 

Happy Sunday, misfts! Wish you were there!