I feel like this is a good time to reflect on the past few months. I mean, the end of 2015 is almost upon us and I feel like so much has happened that I haven't really had the chance to slow down and ponder about the decisions that I've made and those I'm about to make in the last days of 2015.
The title of this post is something that has resonated with me since meeting Christian Banfield. In a way, he's become my mentor in capturing life because when I'm lost for words, the only thing I can do is capture life. People will not remember the days, rather they will remember the memories and that is what I'm been doing ever since I discovered cameras. I've captured the good and bad memories to look back at when I'm older; so that I can reflect on how naive my friends and I were thinking we were invincible.
I met Christian in July as part of a workshop arranged by Arrival and headed by him and some of his colleagues. We spent the day learning about the photography and film industry and how most months, you'll go without food because you haven't been able to find some work, and that will be okay because you're doing what you love. Something no one will ever be able to take that away from you. Just be persistent. Believe that your days won't always be variegated because every person is bound to have that one shitty day that makes them question everything. Through meeting Christian, I have learnt the importance photography, taking good pictures as well as eating vegetarian food (It was unbelievably delicious!). I know that this may seem like a whole load of bull to some of you but this is what has helped me develop throughout the year. Knowing that for a few minutes or hours, I can fade into the background and glance through the lens and capture someone else's life. It's a mesmerising feeling.
Taking on what I learnt from Schmick into school was a great deal of help. You all know how upfront I am with my attitude towards school because frankly, like I've said before there is so much substantial stuff that we could be learning, instead of teachers constantly preaching to us the importance of remembering the 'area of a triangle or the periodic table' for the summer exams. But hey, if the government thinks it's good for us, then it must be, right? It is an absolute tragedy that we leaving school not knowing the value of someone's life, setting up a bank account or the value of happiness...Surely, you can't tell us that we can be whatever we want to be but then give us a list of what we can pursue and then, place stipulations of the requirements we need. Nonetheless, whilst I attain this outlook on education, university is different because I have always wanted to go to university. As far as I can remember, I have always been quite an independent child, so I'm more than thrilled for this step. However, the journey getting there is extremely overwhelming!
I've had to cut out a lot of my social including seeing most of my friends but then again, I haven't really been bothered with maintaining my friendships. Some were worthless from the start but I think that I have this philosophy of never wanting to let any of my relationships fail. But then again, you can only do so much until you come to terms, that some things were never meant to be. And with that results, I have been hiding my guilt of failing people in my life as well as developing anxiety of trying to maintain too many things at once. I forgot to focus on myself. I focus to slow down and take a breather then I was still trying to overcome a load of shit and what was even crappier was that the person I used to be able to talk to wasn't here with me anymore.
Nevertheless, December has been fair. Receiving all 5 of my university places has in a way lessen the stress. I know now what I must do but it's also crucial that I sort out any bull before 2016 as I'm redesigning myself. And no, this isn't some sort of New Year's resolution. I just feel like I am now aware of where I need improvement and the only way I can do so is that is by reinventing myself. Sure, I will miss who I was before but the people that I was before the person I am or the person I am going will always be apart of me because if I could tell you one thing Arrival has taught me is that you should never be afraid of recreating yourself.
No one knows who they will be in 5 years time. If you do, then great for you! I have no clue because until this point I was just winging life but even I grew tired of that. People took my kindness for granted and when I retaliated, suddenly, I was the bad guy. Because despite the amount of friends that I lost, the grades I'm getting or the lifestyle that I'm living; none of that really matters. Another thing I've come to terms with is never getting too attached to anything because all of this is temporary and people always leave.
My 3 Outrageous goals for life:
Go to university- Travel
- Be genuinely content with life
I seek nothing more than these 3 things in life. I can honestly say that for the first time in 18 years, I have satisfied with the choices I have made in 2015. I have no regrets over the relationships that have ended because if I wanted them to last; I would've fought for them.
Although I still have a long road ahead of me to deal with my anxiety and lousy moments in life, I believe that with time; I will overcome them because the universe supports action, not thought. But right now, I'm not dwelling on my losses nor troubles. I still have 22 days left in 2015 that are going to be terrific!
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