How WE die

by the barrel of the guns of the police

by the policies of their president

by the hands of our own people 

by the limitations of the education system 

by the injustices of the justice system 

by the bars of our jail cells 

by the tears of our parents, of our ancestors 

by the sadness of our parents when we get stuck in the hood

by the words you spit at us

-

but this is not how we die 

not in front of our unseeded/seeded dreams 

not in front of our unborn/born children 

not in front of our mothers and fathers

your racist trauma is how we survive 

we are a people 

a whole muthafuckin race

to the stranger across the world from me

I hope you’re well 

I hope you’re content 

I hope that you’re living life in the most extraordinary way 

Free of fear and regret 

I hope we cross paths someday 

Unknowingly and in the most innocent way possible 

o r e o

World: "DAAAANM, woman! You may be black but you’re the whitest person I’ve ever met."

Me: "And what’s it to you?"

World: "Well, I’m not trying...to be, well, you know, ignorant..."

Me: "Yet, you’re still gonna try it."

World: "Uh... I hope you don't, well, you know, take offence to this but it’s just that... it's just that I’ve never met a black person who can annunciate all her syllables. Whose pants don’t sag and her shirts all fit? A black person who uh,

Me: "They begin softly, quietly as if the tone of their voice won't sting me. As if the words that they spit at me won’t puncture wounds in me but I...I refrain my arm from reaching out and letting it follow through with the backhand that it so desperately craves because I know my mama raised me right. 

World: "A black person who has managed to integrate so well with the white race. A black person who speaks like me. Dresses like me. And has more white friends than of her own race. I mean that's not being black at all, you're an oreo."

Me: "Well, shit! I must be winning in life then, right? RIGHT?" 

Tat ideas

Travel often 

Travel far

I Think I Love You Pt.2

I think I love you 

Yes, I apologise for the uncertainty 

Yes, you deserve someone who doesn’t shy away from their feelings 

But I mean it this time 

I think I love you 

And that’s a scary acknowledgment for me

Because I know that we like to think of love as just being romance and butterflies in our stomach 

When it’s so much more 

It's the most powerful emotion 

And it’s the most temporary emotion

Because love, itself, is a whole and we really merely pieces 

Love is fleeting 

There will only ever be a few of our millions that will ever get to experience this rarity in its entirety 

So that’s why I think I love you 

- because I have learned that there’s no such thing as "getting used to the pain”

It hurts until something better comes along

And I don’t want that 

A Trying Poet

the internet

dear friends,
i am sorry that i have been consumed by the internet and stuff
i am sorry that i have been bad at keeping touch with you
i am sorry that we are constantly being exploited by the ruling class
i am sorry for the constant exhaustion and missed opportunities
but our friendship is genuine and enough
we've managed to remain friends this long without being in constant touch
i love you and i always will

The Simple Things

the purest realisation

the purest realisation is

reminding myself of how insignificant my presence is in the world 

because life is more than having your name on billboards 

because one day we will all be gone and there will be no one to remember you

regardless of how grand your mark was in the world 

the universe is bound to forget us 

that is the cycle of life 

sorry

virgo season wishes

dear me,
i want myself

him.

this is a poem, I'm writing 
I'm writing because I'm hurt 
i'm hurt because we aren't talking
and it hurts
it hurts because i miss you
but it will hurt more if i don't let you go

me.

i refuse to go back to who i was
to not liking who i was


i deserve life
i deserve more of it

-48

we were never in love. 

and I don't blame you. 

we were mere beginners in our own lives.

still trying to navigate our own dreams. 

the simplest definition being

- we were still kids. 

we didn't know what love was.

but damn I wish we had been.

what a hell of a journey it would've been. 

-48 

forgotten misft travels: letters from fiji to i. r. taylor

it's been an exhilarating yet draining journey 

not for all the wrong reasons but for all the right ones 

because never in my nineteen years on this round sphere did I ever think that I'd finally set for in fiji 

with a group of well enough humans 

who are in the same stage of life as I 

it's been life changing 

and while some of us will return to our lives 

we will return to normality too and in doing so

we will forget naduri

we will forget the community that now considers us family 

we will forget the friends we've made

not because we want to but because like all the great adventures in life 

they disintegrate from our memories  

and that's what will become of fiji 

we will forget 

...

i won't forget naduri

i really hope I won't 

because I have all these aspirations 

of being on a constant and never ending adventure

of meeting interesting people 

and eating interesting foods 

naduri has made this clear for me 

this is what I want my life to be about 

because there is much more to life than what western society teaches/forces down our throats 

...

this is my first letter from my travels

it's the first in the series of travelling to phenomenal places 

from which I learnt that I can achieve happiness by not having it all 

where I are taught and encouraged to be in love in life 

instead of yearning for the next big thing

...

with less than what is expected 

with less than what society expects of us 

the duties of a melanin girl

the duties of a melanin girl are as follows 
she must first learn how to love herself, in her skin 
she must never wish to be any other colour than the one bestowed upon her 
she is in the skin that she is supposed to be in

the duties of a melanin girl are as follows
she must acknowledge and accept the struggle of her ancestors 
regardless of whether she be part melanin or a few fractions melanin 
she is a melanin girl 

the duties of a melanin girl are as follows
there are people who want to take from her 
people who get off on appropriating her culture but can't appropriate her lifestyle
she must know that her melanin skin is not a death sentence but a sign of triumph

the duties of a melanin girl are as follows
she is the original queen of this earth 
and just because she is a little bit darker than the girl next to her does not mean that she is less than 
should someone tell her differently, tell them to look it up in the history book - well that's if her ancestors' heritage has not been tainted and her oppressor's sanitised 

the duties of a melanin girl are as follows 
she was not put on this earth to be a second class citizen 
she was not put on this earth only to be another lifeless body in the streets 
she was put on this earth to breathe the same breath, bleed the same blood, live the same life, amongst these ignorant bastards

the duties of a melanin girl are as follows
she must pass on her struggles, pass on her strength to her melanin children
so that they may know what it is like to be melanin children in a white world 
so that they may know what it means to be melanin children in a melanin world 

these are duties of a melanin girl  
they, however, go a bit further than the duties of a melanin boy 

I Think I Love You

It's uncertain kind of emotion 
Filled with unsureness and doubt
With the pain and suicidal thoughts that should fill my mind after you break me 
Yet they have made their presence now
You have yet to make the step of touching me 
Of filling my mind, soul, and body with lies
Like how you will not be there when those three special words leave your mouth 
You will be too busy seeking the warmth of my best friend
But like the naive girl that I am and because I so desperately crave your love
I will believe you 
Because while young love is fleeting
It is the ever so most powerful and temporary emotion
In it
We learn that love, itself is a whole and we are merely pieces 
I will choose to ignore the signs 
Because the butterflies that flutter around in my stomach tell a different story 
It will take me a while to learn that 
When a boy tells you he loves you 
It will be the first time that you hear those words 
In the moments that follow and yes, I mean moments 
Not days, weeks nor months 
You will be made aware of the inconsistency that is to begin
You will learn that there is no such thing as "getting used to the pain" 

oh i fucked up and did not save my final thoughts

-happy fathers day - happy poem

for those of you who stayed
congratulations are in order
for having stayed awake through those excruciating nights
to raise your sons and daughters
there is no higher praise
for having loved them through their heartbreaks and tantrums
you were, are and always will be their heroes
you are the knight in shining armour that they never envisioned

-happy fathers day - happy poem

-happy father's day - sad poem

he lives 
but i don't live in him
with him
he thinks 
but i don't think about him
for him
he's there 
but he's not there for me 
with me
he grows old 
i grow wiser
i know now 
i've never had a father 

things that fall apart

flowers,
angels,
minds.
lies,
families,
worlds.
love,
peace,
friends.
degrees,
gods,
life.
you,
me,
everyone,
everything, eventually.

Letters To People I Love: Today Is Life

This was not the intended result for this post. But something terrible happened yesterday and I thought that this was a more deserving title for my outcome. 

Dedicated to the victims of Manchester. You are/were so much more than this! 

today is life 

today is sorrow

an elegy for today

ode to Manchester

for your hurt and pain 

while thinking of you

i know you to be more than just beings 

today is life 

today is sorrow 

an elegy for today 

i think of so much 

of the atrocities inflicted on us

by the cowardliness of humans with no respect for us 

i think of the lines blurred 

contaminated and destroyed 

is this all we will ever be? 

all that we capable of as humans? 

today is life 

today is sorrow 

an elegy for today 

i think of Manchester

of lives invaded 

innocence stole and the unkempt traitor 

some of you will never live to see your future 

some of you will never know that horror that we live in 

i perceive the second one to be a blessing   

today is life 

today is sorrow 

an elegy for today 

i think of normalcy 

which I no longer recognise 

security invaded 

this is sadness

like we've never known before

this is for the souls taken from us  

i long to immortalise you 

to keep you young and naive 

today is life 

today is sorrow 

an elegy for today 

it matters 

you matter 

we have been through worse 

nothing like this of course 

but we can overcome 

i urge you to cry

to scream and shout as loud as you can 

this will be our rebirth 

we will raise our young generation to be more than this  

the generation that was betrayed

we have done this once 

we can do it again 
i am sorry the world could not keep you safe
i am sorry that we could not keep you safe 

today is life 

today is sorrow 

an elegy for today 
ode to Manchester

Tales Of An 8 Year Old to A 19 Year Old On Your Mother

my mother deserves the world 
if not the world, then she deserves the next best thing 
the unselfish, uncontested and undeniable love of her children 
because the love of those five children, the ones that she was nice enough to give birth to will be far more valuable than anything else in the world when things fall apart 
because things will fall apart
for her and for her children

my mother deserves the world 
if not the world, then she deserves the next best thing 
the unselfish, uncontested and undenied love of her children 
because I have never known anyone else so selfless 
someone who has done everything possible to give her children all that they desired 
someone who has made the sacrifice to take on extra life draining hours, just so that we can go on our pricey trips 
and doing so as a single mother raising five impossible children 
five children with five different personalities and five different tempers 
you'd never think that our relationship at times has been a turbulent one 
because on our good days, we seem to put on facades 
but they are not 
because the love that we have for our mother is like no other 

my mother deserves the world 
if not, the world then she deserves the next best thing
the unselfish, uncontested and undenied love of her children 
and that will be enough for me 
and hopefully, for her too

boys

be good to her 
she's rare

all girls are 

E.S.

i am having a tough time. 

and i have found that whenever i am going through something big, impossible or difficult, writing to you makes me feel better. it makes me feel like we are still friends, even though we are not. but i don't care. 

even if it's just a few words, like this. 

i know that this is something that can never be taken from me, from us. and even if you may never receive these weirdly crafted and thought letters, i hope you know how much you still mean to me. because regardless of the fact, that you stopped being my friend...i want you to know that you never stopped being mine.

well, that all i have for now. 
i am feeling a lot better now. 

thanks, i guess

-

yes, what happened was a tragedy 
vicious. unforgivable. horrific 

no, it will not end you
it can't end you.

because you're still here 
when you could have chosen to leave.

The Way Ahead

Be content. Stay content. Love those humans that are still in your life.

The Home Series 2017

Fiji 2017

On the 7th of July, I will be going to Fiji for a month to volunteer with ThinkPacific. ThinkPacific is not a big organisation but it does help create just the right amount change in the world. 

There is not a lot is known about Fiji, apart from its rich culture and incredible landscape. People don’t bother to look at the negative side of things. This is a huge contributor as to why I chose to volunteer in Fiji. People will travel to countries like Fiji for luxury, as they are often oblivious of the misfortunes within the country. They are unaware of the fact that: 

• Over a third of children in Fiji grow up in poverty, living on less than a dollar a day 
• Only 50% of children have access to a safe drinking water and proper sanitation 
• Just 5% of children gain early years education

30% of the money donated will go towards ThinkPacific, and to providing long-term support for the schools and communities in Fiji. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for my team and I, and unrivaled experience. Your contribution will account to so much. It may seem like a small thing to you, which you think will go unnoticed, but it won’t feel like that to the Fijian community. They will benefit from your generous donations.

I

i have what i want
i will get what i desire 
but i will never be content with the life
i live now 

i believe that there is a lot more 
out there
that there is a lot more
for me to do

i have what i wanted 
but i know that i will get too greedy 
and lose it
but in the time that i attain it
i will remember to be grateful

This Modern Love

Being at university has not left me a lot of time to read. Or a lot of time to enjoy the things I used to enjoy and yes, it is a sad acceptance.  However, in the time that I have been able to steal for myself, I finally got to purchase this incredible book called This Modern Love by Will Darbyshire. 

Will Darbyshire is YouTuber but he's not like every YouTuber. Compared to other YouTubers', in my opinion, he's the kind that some wouldn't pay attention to twice but they'd be wrong to do so. Will's book was like no other. It was an amazing and careful craft piece of art that I have grown increasingly fond of. 

Nursed from a heartbreak. This Modern Love is a series of letters by real people for real people. Like every story, there is a beginning, middle and end depicting the evolving of relationship, whether they be platonic or romantic - this book explores them all. It's a voice to all those introverts that feel like they will never get a word in and friend to those extroverts, that feel deserted after saying everything. 

I believe that This Modern Love was a spectacular creation. It deserves every opportunity at life, it can get. 

Pictures courtesy of - Katrina White 

2,765

Frankfurt Snapshots

A few months ago in December of 2016, I visited a beloved friend in Bad Vilbel, Germany. It was a wonderful week reconnecting with someone that I had only know for a couple of months when she visited my home to learn about my culture.

And after she left, I wanted to keep in touch. 

To still be friends with someone you hardly see four years later is something inconceivable even for a generation like ours. Where technology has supposedly made life better for us through social media.  What I also found is that even people who have known each other since they were little reach a point where staying in touch with loved ones is not a priority anymore. 

Henceforth, why I thought it was about time to share some of my memories. To say thank you for the new culture found, a history that was hidden from us and for the people that I met.