10 Things I've Learnt At UoL (first semester, year one)

1. Listen to your brothers when it comes to finances. They're older than you for a reason (and they're smart too!) - I should be good with money seeing as both my older brothers did a degree in Finance and something but unfortunately, I'm not. Dealing with my finances and budgeting is an issue that I'm struggling with but I have no doubt that uni is gonna force me to learn. In a way, I've kind of already learnt because I was successful in making a budget for the first term but only followed it for the first two weeks. So I guess whilst that's progress, there's still a lot of work that needs to be done!
2. Don't hang out with people who treat you like shit! You're simply not and you, of all people, know it's not worth it - I'm not so much a people person, regardless of what you'll hear/see. Although my time at secondary was spent learning that with me hanging around with people just for the sake of it, I came to realise that that was a shitty thing to do. It wasn't because I was scared of being myself but rather, I was scared of missing out. I wanted to be there for everything that happened so that I wouldn't feel left out when they explained it to someone else. And I know that habits are hard to break but you don't need some crappy person to define your self-worth. We've only been at uni for a month and it's disgusting seeing people behave as if they are still in secondary. 
3. Every time you have an opportunity to travel, take it! There's so much that the world has to offer. So much that you have yet to see - One of the best things about being at uni are all the opportunities it offers. I am an avid traveller, so whenever trips came around; I would plead to my mum to let me go. I'm not sure why but there's something about travelling that makes me feel composed and at peace. Hence why I'm thrilled about my year abroad in my third year, I'm not even sure if I'll be accepted but for one, that's something to look forward to. Other opportunities, my uni offers include going overseas for two weeks in the summer and volunteer  to help build schools or house (something that I'll look forward to being apart of in my second year) or go to Asia over the summer and learn a new language. What's even better is the fact that we have all this FREE MONEY from the government and a ridiculous and tempting overdraft (£1,500). So obviously, I have to take advantage of that hence why I'm going to Germany in December (a trip every semester?). However, I'd advise you that you make your budget for the semester first, pay for your accommodation and then do whatever you please with the remaining money. (Try not to go into your overdraft because that's NOT free money, they lie to you!)
4. Find something to believe in, something to keep you going at your lowest. Believe in yourself, I don't care how cheesy this sounds - Believing in yourself works because at the end of the day, at the end of everything; there's no one else to believe in you, except for yourself, and that account for more than you'll ever know! 
5. Enjoy being by yourself. It doesn't mean you're lonely - I value my alone time. In fact, I crave it when I'm interacting with people because it's my time for reflection. It's a chance for you to think and question yourself about what you've done in that week, whether you're proud of your actions,  and how to plan for the following week to be better. It's a SACRED time!
6. Depression doesn't define you - Depression does not become you. You have 365 days in a year, try to have fun in all those days and when depression hits you; don't give into it. Try your best not to give in, no matter how difficult or appealing the void may seem, you're stronger than what you think in those dark times.
7. Exercise can cure just about everything - It has to! Seeing as I paid £225 for a gym membership. The exercise that I do has to cure my stress, my homesickness and my emotions. IT HAS TO! It doesn't have a choice.
8. Do your assigned readings - You're gonna read those books when you're older. But it's better if you do it now, I think. Though reading them again in 5 or 10 years won't be so bad to see how your perspective has changed.
9. Always make time for your friends - Just because you've moved to a new city, doesn't mean you should forget your friends back home. Amongst those friends are lifelong friends and fake friends, the ones that you should've dropped already (I'm not quite sure why some might still have them). And as much as you're gonna love your new friends, don't forget the ones left you back home because they got you to where you are. Facetime them when you can. Text them. Visit them. Have them visit you. Though as much as you may want to maintain your friendships, it shouldn't be you making all the effort; friendships are a two-way street.
10. I am insignificant - This is last for a reason and it's not as bad as it sounds because it's true. Being at uni has shown me that I'm INSIGNIFICANT and so are you! We live in a world with 8 billion other people and an ever-growing population. Our problems are a mere grain of the sand compared to all the other real problems going on. What I'm saying is that make time for yourself but make MORE time to know what's going on beyond your own little world like the fact that America's NEXT president could be a sexist, pussy grabbing pig called DONALD TRUMP! 

Life?

Words I Hope You'll Read

I've been a university student for 20 days and truth be told, I'm exhausted! 

I'm tired! Stressed. Nostalgic. And Sleep-deprived. 

I have no idea, how I could be feeling all these in less than a month but its kind of put me in a tough spot. Something that doesn't lessen the load and only makes me wonder whether going to university was the right decision. 

Now I know, some will protest that the only way I'll ever get a decent life is if I get the "higher, higher education" and I do believe, that this is true to some extent. But as you've heard me say many times before and will continue to do so, it's actual bull because I feel like I was pushed into the position that I'm in at this moment. I feel smothered! I literally have no clue what I'm doing with my life or with my life in general, because for 3 years, this blog has been my safety zone. Shielding me from pain and unsureness. It's been my friend in my darkest hours and I now need it more than ever. 

It's been a tremendous honour watching how far I've come in the past 3 years, from a naive, angry introvert to a somewhat still naive, outspoken introvert. Looking back at all I've overcome is exhilarating and only makes me want to accomplish more; however now that I'm in the final stage of my education, I feel like there's so much that I wasn't taught in secondary school. 

Nonetheless, I totally appreciate my teachers! They were and are incredible humans because my generation is more than a difficult generation. Whilst we're determined, we are also impossible. 

However, it would have been great if one of my teachers could've told me the number of times, I would disintegrate in a week. Had my teachers told me that after my lectures, I'd lock myself in my room, bring my knees to my chest and cry for no apparent reason; I can assure you that I never would've applied for university. Because it's draining letting the flood of sadness in, three times a week. 

I was never told how lonely I would be. Despite the fact, that I made nine amazing friends on my first day, I still feel alone. I have no one to confide in. I was told that my university years would be the best years of my life. That this is where I would make life-long friends, but it doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel real. None of this does! 

And the worst thing is that I can't tell my siblings how miserable I am. I can't tell them how I feel out of place with everything and everyone. I can't speak to my friends and it's not because I don't want to. I physically can't! No matter how much I try. I can't speak to anyone because I feel like there's no one to understand me anymore. 

And that fucking sucks! 

University right now is my own personal hell. I hope everyone's having a better experience! 

snippets

what are you so worried about?
beneath our surface of worries is a bigger, deeper level of worries 
what is the point of worrying?

never in the history of calming down has anyone ever been told to calm down and they've calmed down

focus on the now! focus on the today!