A2 Levels...Uni or No Uni?

Apologies for the long disappearing act. The last few months have been incredibly busy and obviously today is a significant day for many of us. 

So let me start by saying that I am so sorry for those of you that haven't got their first choice or those you that haven't got the results that you were hoping for. It is heartbreaking to see people of age get torn down by the one thing that is should be encouraging us. To watch all your hard work go to waste but I want you to know that this is not the end of the world. These grades DON'T define your future and MOST importantly, they don't define you as a person. You are so much more than what some worthless piece of paper says. 

Believe when I say, I know exactly how most you feel. Those fast-paced ever-changing emotions that we have and are currently experiencing are not going to last. 

I was disappointed by my results but after being in the schooling system for over 13 years, I have learned not to be too affected by the numbers or the letters that some random person puts in front of me and dares to tell me what I can and can't do. 

What I got: 

English Literature - C
History - C
Government and Politics - D
Extended Project - C

Destination - University of Leicester 

Course - American Studies

It is a gut-wrenching feeling that all those sleepless nights and the endless days of revision had amounted to nothing but they didn't. The greedy may not see it but we do! We did not spend our entire lifetime to get to this point and stand while some privileged asshole tells us that while "university is a MUST, we weren't clever enough, so we have FAILED". That's not what we were made for. 

What happened was...those in power have screwed us over...again. Universities have stopped being a place for higher education and are now a place the government views as an opportunity to make more money off of us; as if we told them that Brexit was a good idea. And what's even worse is that universities have given into this idea. They aren't focused on giving students the best possible education anymore because they are too occupied with making money off of us but it gets to a point when you're just over it. You're like SCREW IT! SCREW YOU! Like those meaningless letters on that flammable piece of paper don't phase    you anymore because you know better. You know for certain that there's no way in hell that you could've worked as hard as you did, only to come out with such shitty grades. 

And I know that for some of you guys, it may not seem like it but going to university won't secure you a great life. I know that  now because I have witnessed my siblings excel throughout their education life, only for them to struggle with getting employed after university. 

In my honest opinion, I believe that what really matter is what you do next. I mean I'm off to Leicester in September because going to university has always been an aspiration of mine despite the fact that, I have never really enjoyed school. Though I don't for one second believe that I am guaranteed a tremendous life after university because look at us...we are called the "worst generation". The odds are stacked against us as usual. However, if there's one thing I am certain of it's that we are a rebellious generation, something that we should proudly embrace because tThere is so much that we can amount to. We can't let these grades affect our mindsets. I know we are better than is! 

We are so much more than what those letters tell you. I may have got into my dream university, so can you but you don't always have to follow society's norms. We have to be the generation that rights the wrongs of our elders, we have to break the pattern; regardless of what we are labeled as. 

This One Isn't About You

CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP LIKE FOR ONE DAMN MINUTE?


I am Ready To Feel Whole Again

Is God an ALIEN?
Be kind to animals








As long as my MUM is good, I'm good.
BEING A WOMAN IS HARD AF!

ilikeDIFFERENT



Embrace yourself! Don't say maybe, if you want to say no.


Don't wait.

I Fear This Life

i fear this life
the lived yet incomplete journey
as day as day
i become someone else, someone new
i don't think i want to live an ordinary life
i am scared of what i might think or feel when i look back
i am scared that i won't like it
and i am scared that others will judge me for not living life, my way
regardless of the fact that they continue to judge me for living life, my way

Because You Can

Don't study because you need to. Don't study because they told to. Study because knowledge is power. Study because they can never take it away from you. Study because you want to know more. Study because it enhances you. Study because it grows you.

#RemindersInSummer

#TheVeryTiredGirlDiaries

I should really stop procrastinating because this is a very special post to me. Very close to my heart and I'm going to tell you why. 

Now I know, that you all know my feelings towards the whole education system and while, some of you may have some differing views to mine; I ask that you respect mine and I'll do the same for you in return. 

#TheVeryGirlDiaries was a thought bought to life literally minutes before my Boom, Bust and Recover history exam and in that moment, I was just thinking about all the possibilities and outcomes when I finish my exams. I thought about the amount of times that I spent awake crying because I had developed this notion in my head that my life was over, if I didn't get the grades I needed. And as if those sleepless nights were draining enough, my anxiety would kick in because one of my biggest fears is failing. So like hell, school was doing a bang up job! Because here I was in my exam having an anxiety attack from thinking about my failure in school (something I detested so much) and from watching my friends write so fast.

However, everything is not as it seems, as I found out that everyone has different ways of dealing with exams and it was selfish of me to think that I was the only one going through this hectic period. #TheVeryGirlDiaries was a series that helped me capture the toll that exams took on some of my friends and how they handled it.  

So without a further ado, here are the #TheVeryTiredGirlDiaries 

This is An An. Future designer and entrepreneur. She's also one of the happiest people I know. #TheVeryTiredGirlDiaries

 Before this picture, An An was stressing about her incomplete Business coursework and at the time, I had lost my history teacher (like of course, I'm the only person who can lose a whole person...). So to lessen her stress, I told her to take a break and we had a catch-up session for a few minutes because exams had taken us from each other due to our different subjects. 

I took a series of pictures of An An because she was my first tired girl. What I found out was that she was making phenomenal strides in achieving her dreams of becoming a fashion designer and I couldn't be more proud of her! 

This is Reanar. Bubbly. Shady. One Direction obsessed (despite the fact that they are never making a comeback). She's my wander anywhere partner. #TheVeryTiredGirlDiaries

Taken in Brick Lane, what I discovered about my second tired girl was that when she's overwhelmed by the concept of school, she likes to wander.   She will wader anywhere and everywhere. And while, this may be an old picture, I thought that it was the most fitting for Reanar but now that I think about it, I should've captured one of her in Lush as that's her safe place. 

Anywhere throughout our years together, from year 9 to now, Reanar has always been one to express herself visually and what a beautiful site it is, when she does so.  I wasn't able to see her during exam until the end because English was our common subject, regardless of not being in the same class but we've made up for it during my days of procrastination. 

This is Fatima. She has an honest and pure soul. Caring. Genuine. Real. She's also one of my favourite people in the entire world. I can't wait for her to change the world. Love you bubs. #TheVeryTiredGirlDiaries

They say a picture says a thousand words. Can you guess the words this picture is trying to tell? 

If you guys ever come across Fatima, I ask that you treasure and treat her kindly because she really is one in a million! And it was heartbreaking to see her like this at prom (another thing, why did we have prom inbetween our exams!?! ) Bubs, has never been one to constant express her emotions because she's always so busy trying to comfort others that she forgets to take care of herself but she has several people to remind her to do so and I'm one of them. 

There are not a lot of people in my life that I truly love and will ever fully let into my life but Fatima is one of those very, very few people and I'm so glad to have her. During our exams, she still made ever effort to be there for her friends 100%, something that she's never once fell short of. She cheered us on when we felt living giving up and that's why when she was at her lowest at prom, we all dropped what we were doing; whether it was drinking, dancing or conversing with someone to be there for her because we all knew that we will never get anyone else like her in our whole lifetime.  

This is Jennifer and Tia. I've known Jennifer, since year 7 and Tia, since primary. Friends. Sisters. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. I miss them so much! #TheVeryTiredGirlDiaries

 My sisters from other mothers! Captured in year 11 because I hardly ever get to see them nowadays but we still stay in touch because we know that we don't have to be in constant touch with each other just to prove our friendship. 

Jennsz and Teeya have taught me so much about life and friendship. Teeya guided me throughout primary when I had just arrived at her school and she and Jennifer continued to do so when we all went to the same secondary school because it was not only difficult adjusting to a whole new country, culture but also to the education system and expectations. 

That's why 10 years later for Teeya and 7 for Jennifer, I can still trust to be honest with them and they with me especially with exams. I know that they will go on to be incredible people and I hope I'll be there to witness it. 

Originally, I had envisioned this series being more than 4 candids as I still had so many people to talk about but I have a thing about doing things in 4s. Regardless of that, I know that I'm not yet finished it #TheVeryTiredGirlDiaries. 

I'm very excited to see where it heads next! 

The Start to a Long, Overdue Apology

Feb. 09. 2012 - he left.

Summer 2016 Reading List

Under Fire by Henri Barbusse 

Go Tell It on the Mountain by James Baldwin

No God but God: The Origins, Evolution and Future of Islam by Reza Aslan

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke 

The Five People you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

What we talk about when we talk about love by Raymond Carver

The Hardest Thing

On June 12th, America witnessed its worst tragedy on the LGBT community 
49 lives were taken 
And following the massarce, Congress voted down commonsense gun safety laws 
Now compare that to the fact that in this year alone, over 200 bills targeting the LGBT community have been introduced 


On June 5th, Alton Sterling was brutally murdered by two white officers 
And as if this wasn't enough, on June 6th, Philando Castile was added to the ever-growing list of black people killed by white policemen 

I'm not sure what to say anymore because I'm fucked pissed! 
I'm tired of all the ignorant ass people who have the audacity to rebattle our Black Lives Matter movement with 'what about black on black crime?'
Please shut the hell up! 

'Black on black crime' is a bloody term that enables racism as pushes the idea in our head that the real problem is 'black people killing black people' 
Hell, it's not the policemen nor the justice system
Shit, it's people of colour, it's always been them
They are always acting like 'thugs'

Black people don't kill black people they are 'black'
Those that do get time 
So I want to know what makes these fucking policemen 'special' that they can kill us and walk away
Explain that to me! 

All are asking for is JUSTICE!
If a police officer kills one of our own, we demand justice seeing as the US justice system is so eager to give to the black people who commit the smallest of crimes
Police officers are NOT above the law! 
They aren't the law!

Police officers are here to protect using the law and abiding by it. 
We understand that not all black people are innocent but these toxic policemen shouldn't be deciding our future 
How many more?
You have no right to challenge our movement by blaming it on our behaviour
Was 12-year-old, Tamir Rice a thug?

(incomplete)

Life Lessons

This Thing Called Life

The Revolutionary Tears of Father-In-Chief, Barack Obama

Who in a million years would've thought that America would see the day, when a black man became the most powerful person in the world//That regardless of all the hardship black people have endured, Obama's presidency was not a result of affirmative action; despite what his critics say// And that despite all the obstacles he's faced, he has always pushed ahead//Because sometimes a historic moment just sneaks up on you // Letting you know that the old rules no longer apply to this ever-changing world//I cried when Obama was elected//It truly was a moment of "Hope and Change" for not only America but the world, too// Demonstrating that a nation with the most volatile history and present can achieve change//For something different//For someone with a permanent tan, someone vulnerable and caramel// 

In 2008, a black man became ordinary//And in the years throughout his presidency, Obama showed us that being a president is more than just being a political figure// You become a paternal figure as you take on the role 'father of a nation'//We saw this when he wept openly about the tragedy of Sandy Hook// And as he continually did so like in Orlando, when the largest mass shooting in American history // Was a hate crime against gay people // Though we know that Obama, like all black men in America, has struggled to be accepted as "one of them" due to the many differences that separate him and his predecessors// Pay no attention to the critics that protest that Obama couldn't possibly love America, as much as they love America// His tears for every adversity  have been genuine and heartfelt//  Because this was a BLACK man weeping tears over the cruel murders of WHITE  people// Something that the 'superior' race couldn't afford to do while they took us from our homeland in chains// His own people have seemingly decreased in numbers at the hands of the US justice system since he entered office// And he can't // He is not allowed to take sides// So never mind that he was called a traitor when he called for calm in Ferguson// Obama saw his own kids in these 20 innocent children// And he couldn't do anything//

As the president of the United States of America, you are 'supposed' to be the most powerful person in the world//And he wasn't// He still isn't// His tears showed us that// He accepted that he was powerless// Something that the black community can very much relate to// After all, they have always been regarded as something else, "the Criminal, the Athlete"// But it's been very good to have a real human as president// Though, I may not be American, I am glad to have been apart the Age of Obama// I am proud of all that he has accomplished, regardless of the several barriers that he has endured// He is the 'black sheep' among his predecessors// And beyond his title, Obama has revealed that he is just a mere man and a father// His 8 year presidency may not have been what we expected but it's definitely been an exceptional one// My only regret is the insistence of Congress in stymieing him at every turn//I believe that he could've done so much more, had it not been for Congress//

Nevertheless, Obama has presided an extraordinary presidency// One that I believe could not have been accomplished by his white predecessors// And that is pretty extraordinary, for an ordinary black man in America// And though, history has for so many years been swept under the rug// It is essential that we remember that the White House was built by slaves// The Obamas got to be apart of a special of history// One that our black ancestors do not regret because something good has come out of their blood and sweat// And no matter, what family occupies the White House after Jan. 2017// And so forth, the following generations, they will never equal the style, class and elegance of the Obama clan// Even if, critics may claim his presidency to be a failure// We all know the reasons why, at least we can guess// But know this // Barack Obama is not an 'Other' // In many ways than one, he has excelled and exceeded in becoming an 'American' // He's done it with flare and style too // And that is his greatest triumph//



Letters To People I Love: A New Normal

We got screwed! 

I don't know what else to say because all my anger was unleashed on Facebook but I guess that we can't do anything now. I'm gonna insert my Facebook posts below because I'm speechless by the UK's decision. 

They FUCKED us up, bad! 

I'm actually gonna hate to see Cameron go! 

Letters To People I Love: America Was Never Great

I do not have the slightest clue about the extent to how great America once was 
Perhaps because of everything that I have been taught about this 'superpower', the negatives always outweighed the positives 
Though this is what I am certain of:
I am not black and you are not white
This is what the world calls us but we weren't born saying that "I am black, you are white" 
It's just what we have grown accustomed to
I was taught to call myself "black" but the root of the tree has broken eight times in my lifetime
And in that period I have learnt that "America Was Never Great" 
Now my intention is not to ridicule this 'great' nation 
But we are nothing if we choose to be ignorant of the atrocities taking place in the world 
If we fail to see the value of someone else's life just because of their race or sexuality 
We are nothing 
It's even worse when you put the blame on a whole religion just because of one's actions 
And you are less than nothing if you are okay with sending out prayers to the grieving families of the 49 when you damn well know that you have the power to right this wrong 
To elect a dumb b***h, stupid b***h, ignorant b***h as a presidential candidate truly depicts America's fleeting 'greatness' 
How many ghosts must occupy the empty seats at dinner tables, until you get it right?
Taken away by silly and senseless reasons: 
"He was black and angry"
"They were gay" 
"He was a Muslim"
By delaying these gun reforms, you fail to realise that America was built by the BLACK man for the pleasure of the WHITE man 
And that there have been so many LGBT servicemen/women who have laid down their lives for this 'great' nation; yet you still passed the DADT
Merely forgetting how corrupt all religions are, that they are the cause for so many wars 
But you have chosen to scapegoat the one religion that teaches discipline and honour 
Maybe this is why I find this so easy to write and so hard 
I am aware that there must have been a time when America was great, truly great
Because you once were a silenced nation that fought so valiantly for your independence
By those are all faded glories 
Because you don't fight for what's right anymore, you don't fight for moral reasons anymore and you sure as hell are waging wars on the wrong people
We cry with Orlando because we see ourselves in those broken families, those lost souls 
And we were hoping that you would get right this time around because you told us that the loss of the innocent lives at Sandy Hook and America's other tragedies weren't enough 
I know that the title is very flawed because
America was great when they passed and struck down laws for moral reasons 
When they did not turn on a president who is so desperately trying so hard to make a difference but is unable to 
Because Congress values their seats more than they value the lives of their citizens 
Your words are meaningless if your actions don't reflect them 
Know that by prolonging this process, you are only feeding the disease and one day, you will feel its wrath 
Just like so many parents, brothers, sisters and neighbours have 
The first step to solving a problem is knowing that there's one:
'America Was Never Great' because the only way they know how to show their 'greatness' is after a million lives have suffered 
And that is not greatness, but cowardice

Letters To People I Love: Dear Young British People, About June 23rd

The EU referendum is on the 23rd June. It's a once in a generation opportunity and as if I didn't or you didn't already know that. Here are some statistics that I got off the BBC website: "just over a third of 18-24 year olds intend or are certain to vote, compared to the well over two thirds of the over 75s " - who are irrelevant seeing as this referendum dictates our future because we ARE the future generation. But if we mix the percentage of the 75s with "those under the age of 35, who are roughly as twice to vote to stay in as those aged over 55." 

So do you get it? We are outplanned and outnumbered. While we may be the future of the UK, if we don't VOTE, we are going to get ourselves kicked out of possibly the best thing that's ever happened to the UK. 

I know that I'm just one voice but I'm here. I'm here to convince you that staying in the EU is the best choice! 

I get it. I understand that you're apathetic. I know that reasons why and as a politics student, I have never disliked politics as much as I do now because it's boring and corrupt, regardless of what they tell you. The parties are all the same, they tell us lies just so they can be in power, so either way we are screwed. 

Nonetheless, I do make an effort to vote for the important issues like this one. This referendum has nothing to do with our corrupt political parties. It's to do with the fact that if we, the young people don't vote, we are eternity fucked. It's to do with the issue if we leave, the UK will be vulnerable to lots of shit and the country will just descend into chaos. It's to do with the fact that if we don't vote, then the majority older generation will most likely vote for us to leave.

So why are we having a referendum? Well, I'm we all know that the EU has been one gigantic experiment. One that has worked and provided all 28 countries with great benefits, so were were doing okay. Then David Cameron and his ungrateful party got desperate and promised that if the Tories won the 2015 General Election, there would be a referendum on the UK's position within the EU. Though, if you can recall that the only reason they did is was to attract right wing votes and well, what you do you know, because of David Cameron; we now have a UKIP MP in Parliament and an EU referendum in less than a month. Problem is... WE HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE EU!

Being a member of the EU may have not always been the best but the advantages definitely outweigh the disadvantages because we can access other EU countries with little or no hassle, we can study or live abroad - see we are definitely better in the EU. The monthly payment that we have to make is nothing compared to what we receive in return, like the laws that we have for so long taken for granted.

What's the deal with BREXIT? Apart from it sounding a like a failed cereal name, the 'Leave' campaign is complaining about the fee that we have to pay as a member of the EU. However, I think that the fee is minimal. What the 'Leave' campaign is trying to say 'politely' but failing is that the EU has 'too much power' over US! Umm...excuse you...remember the British Empire, when you had 'an excessive amount of power' over more than half of the world who in fact didn't vote or request for it!?! Remember that? Well, this is not the British Empire, we are allowed to have allies especially with all the tragedies and hellish times that the world is facing; it's a good thing having other countries keeping us in check and having our back.

Not to mention that the 'Leave' campaign is scapegoating refugees, just like Donald Trump is scapegoating Muslims in order to win the US presidency or like how the worst dictators that the UK and its ALLIES have defeated scapegoated innocents in order to win power. Now if the 'Leave' campaign wasn't using refugees as to why we should leave the EU, I would be fine with it but they are, so I'm not. Using the migrant crisis that state that as soon as someone becomes apart of the EU, they are live wherever they want - as if, the other 27 EU member countries are more sympathetic than us because they are letting people who are fleeing from the wartorn country stay in theirs; thus giving them permission to move into the UK. Though, didn't you learn? Leaving the EU won't solve immigrant!

And putting aside the fact that out of our 6 million population, there are millions of people who don't care about refugees because they don't think that  it's our bloody concern. Well, do you realise that the majority of the population of the UK are immigrants? And that there are several British nationals living across the EU, so if we leave, they have to come back. Good job, 'Leave' campaign. I can see that you really care about your people.

Have you thought about the UK economy? I don't think so. Since the announcement of the EU referendum, there has been no study, let alone a '5 reason list' to show that economically the UK would be better off leaving the EU. As a member of the EU, our economy has now become so fused to the EU that it would be suicide if we left. Would we need to change the pound to the euro? It would not longer take us decades to officially leave the EU but it would take us twice those decades to untangle ourselves from this economic tragedy. Would we even be allowed to participate in Eurovision? Would we ever be able to win it, again? Not that we were winning before... 

Summary? Dear young people, please VOTE to STAY IN THE EU. We can't let though those sadistic UKIP votes win. I'm begging you! Like Scotland voted to stay apart of the UK in 2014, it's our turn to return the favour because I'm sure that they don't want to leave. A lot of you make think that you don't need to vote, but YOU DO! 

                    

I know that the EU isn't perfect and like so many things in the world right now, it's in dire need of rewiring. But most importantly, I believe that it's in our best interests in we stay because I'm certain that you don't want to look back at this moment and regret it. Vote for yourself. For your fellow young people. For your kids, so that they too can taste the benefits of what it means to be apart of the EU. 

And if we do end up staying, then we can focusing on removing the already crumbling Conservative government from Parliament. But first, lets give this idiotic government actual representation of the country's opinion meaning that we need TWO THIRDS of us to haul our asses down to the voting booth on June 23, so that the result is a true reflection of the UK opinion.

Notes From London: An Image Collection