Thursday 17 October 2024

first thoughts of 27

 


I thought about taking my life today 

I don't know if it's primarily because I've reached this number but it's been weighing on this year more so, than any other 

and I cannot seem to shake it this time 

every now and then, it catches me and grips me tighter and tighter, slowly squeezing the breath from me 

I just seem to feel everything so much more 

and I'm not sure if it's because this year has been particularly tough but I'm terrified  

because I also have the unfortunate awareness of how selfish, I'd be... if I were to do that

I have always felt this way. about this but isn't that also selfish toward myself

because if it will bring me peace, saneness 

then why should I be concerned about what others will say... feel

especially when I won't even be here to hear it... feel it 

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