I thought about taking my life today
I don't know if it's primarily because I've reached this number but it's been weighing on this year more so, than any other
and I cannot seem to shake it this time
every now and then, it catches me and grips me tighter and tighter, slowly squeezing the breath from me
I just seem to feel everything so much more
and I'm not sure if it's because this year has been particularly tough but I'm terrified
because I also have the unfortunate awareness of how selfish, I'd be... if I were to do that
I have always felt this way. about this but isn't that also selfish toward myself
because if it will bring me peace, saneness
then why should I be concerned about what others will say... feel
especially when I won't even be here to hear it... feel it
