you cannot sustain yourself on the fantasies that live inside your mind. eventually, you have to concede defeat and return to reality. for you cannot really exist without touching your life.
i hated it all because they were my ramblings. just nonsensical ramblings. but they are not going to change the world. i promise.
you cannot sustain yourself on the fantasies that live inside your mind. eventually, you have to concede defeat and return to reality. for you cannot really exist without touching your life.
I am feeling out of place. In every aspect of my life, I so desperately need something to hold onto so; I thought my first love - writing, might help and what better way to find myself solid ground than writing?
so here's an old one that encapsulates my current emotions:
one of my favourite writers, Charles Bukowski, once said:
"if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it."
and I agree.
2022 was undoubtedly a crappy year for humanity. we were given a stark and gruesome glimpse of what our future would look, if we refuse to change our ways. we were left paralysed as fires devoured what was left of our nature, as entire countries flooded evoking the creation story in foretold in Genesis and of course, wanting to show how big their ***** were;
so I would like to try again with writing.
call him. ask him out... to end it all.
use all your might, to make sure you don't fall apart in front of him.
you'll have all the time in the world, afterwards.
i was thinking about this recently and in a way, I think I have come to hate you.
because you have ruined so much for me.
friendships. trust. love.
i tried so hard... not to hate you, believe me, i did but i lost.
because i think that if i truly want to stop - i have to hate you, in some way.
because its too hard.
and since i was the one who started it, then it's only fair that I should be the one to stop it.